Emerging From Depression

“Life begins on the other side of despair.”
– Jean Paul Sartre

Merriam-Webster provides this psychological definition of depression – “a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason”.

Am I depressed?

When I returned from an amazing trip to Iceland, Scotland, and Denmark in June, I was exhausted and wondered why I didn’t have as much fun as I thought I should. It dawned on me that perhaps I was experiencing depression. Honestly, it snuck up on me. It was deepening slowly and I missed it. I didn’t have the physical or mental energy that I was used to and when I really thought about it, I hadn’t for months. I felt like many of the things that interested me and excited me no longer did. I felt like the “old me” was broken and I didn’t know who the “new me” was. I immediately gave myself more space to observe, determine what might best help me, and heal. I slowed WAY down. At least I thought I did. A couple of weeks later, I slipped and hit my head. I didn’t think much of it, but soon realized that I had a concussion. I think it was the Universe’s way of saying, “I told you to slow down. You REALLY need it. Let me help you.” So I gave myself even more space. And guess what happened? My depression deepened. My intuition told me that I had become adept at helping other’s feel and transform their emotions through my spiritual coaching services, but I was doing a pretty shitty job of helping myself do it. Sometimes it has to get worse, before it gets better.

So, I slowed down even more.

I really had no choice. I let go of some of my responsibilities and committees. I didn’t feel well enough for a while to even do yoga or workout in any way. Maybe a short walk. That was it. I leaned into my faith, trusting (most of the time) that I would be guided back to strong mental and physical health. I looked at the areas of my life that could be causing these low feelings. When I really gave it thought, I realized that I have been through tremendous change and mental hardship over the last 6 years. In addition to the extra space and time, I gave myself grace.

Let’s take a look at the timeline.

• 2017-Incurred PTSD from a harrowing trip overseas where my travel mate went into a deep schizophrenic episode and I had to take measures to keep him safe
• 2018-The sudden death of my father
• 2019-The sudden death of my stepbrother, a move to a new city, and a career change
• 2020-The pandemic and a big health matter with my mother (Thankfully, she is doing great now!)
• 2021-A break up, a move to a new city and state, and started a new business
• 2022-Opened an office for my new business
• 2023-The ending of a romantic relationship that started off wonderfully and ended in flames
• 2024-Another family health scare (that again, thankfully, turned out okay), a disappointing business venture, the ending of another romantic relationship with someone that I still care about, but know it’s best for us to be apart, a big revelation of why I have been attracting partners that were not good for me

What that basically boils down to in brief is intense fear, grief, grief, change, change, worry, anger, worry, change, change, change and grief, and change and grief in a continuous succession for several years. I’m not sharing this to receive sympathy. I’m sharing it so you can see how exciting things can create stress just as heartbreaking experiences can. When we go through change, it behooves us to pause and check in with ourselves to see what we need to navigate the change.  I hope this inspires you to take a moment to look at your life and see where your heart may need attention. Any one of these things are reason to pause, reflect, and make sure you are getting the support you need. And clearly, I didn’t do that. At least not enough.

If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, I share my experience here and hope you feel less alone and more seen and understood.  I can’t tell you what will work best for you to heal. But, I can tell you some things I am doing to help myself find a higher vibration. I may be forgetting some things and I encourage you  to decide what works for you. If you are severely depressed, I recommend enlisting the assistance of a mental health professionally immediately.

• Prayer for guidance and health and requesting prayer from others
• Started working with a spiritual coach, who is also a licensed therapist
• Daily walks outside, even if it was just around my complex so I could move, feel the sun and see the lake for a few moments
• Exercise through yoga, HIIT, and free weights as much as I can and without feeling like I am pushing too hard
• Nutrition through supplements and healthy eating. Even when I do not feel like cooking, I find a way to eat something healthy or at the very least minimize sugar and processed foods. I also recommend avoiding alcohol. I rarely drink anymore, but I did make a mental note to keep it that way.
• Reiki, which as been shown in research studies to reduce depression after 6 weekly sessions
• Guided and silent meditations help me find my center. Guided meditations are useful in working on a specific aspect of my recovery (e.g. heart healing). Silent meditation is wonderful for connecting to Spirit and hearing that still small voice of God that resides in all of us. It helps quiet the mental chatter and self-criticism
• Simply playing positive energy hertz music and frequencies on YouTube or Spotify gives me a subtle boost
• Gratitude practices to show myself what IS working well in my life
• Working with the Qest4 bioenergetic testing system and related frequencies and nutrition. I will be writing and posting more about this soon. I just become a certified Qest4 practitioner! It’s helped me so much already and I want to share it with the world.
• I feel my feelings in order to allow them to exit my body and energetic system. Running away from and ignoring feelings partly led to my “dis-ease”.
• Journaling allows me to process my thoughts and emotions constructively. I often utilize the researched expressive journaling protocol that I wrote about in February
• Perhaps most importantly, I am allowing for space in my life and silence in my surroundings. Space to rest, take care of myself, and just to be. Silence to calm my central nervous system and to allow Spirit’s guidance to come through.

Do you know someone who is experiencing depression? Are you wondering how you can help?

I’m not sure what works best for others, but what I most appreciate is when someone expresses empathy, asks if there is any way they can support me and/or checks in to see how I am doing. Sometimes it helps to talk. Sometimes it helps to do something fun with them and take my mind of it. But most of all, it just helps to know that someone cares. And as much as I appreciate any and all support, I know that I primarily need to be with it and allow it. And, to have patience and trust that I will see the other side of this dark tunnel. I can see the light now and it’s getting brighter and brighter. I still don’t know exactly who the “new me” is, but as the light gets brighter, I can see the path there more clearly. I know that when I am fully through it, I will take my mental and physical health less for granted, strive to appreciate the good times and make the most of them. I will intend to continue to allow space, silence, and self-care to be a regular part of my life.

Life is for me.

This experience was “for” me, not against me, and for my evolution. It has helped me see where I need change. I am not a victim. I am empowered to take charge of my own well-being and move forward. I have recognized that I can no longer operate under my old patterns of pushing through whatever my ego wants for my life. I am still finding my new way of being, which includes more listening to my soul for my highest and best path.